Forty Deuce

Fed Not Acting His Age

Tom Tebbutt says WTF? re Fed's 2009 schedule.

Fed's a great ambassador of the game and he seems to take that role seriously, so I can understand his desire to promote the game.  But does that desire outweigh his quest for another Wimbledon title?  First RG title?  Pete's Slam record?

Just askin'.

There Will Be Blood

How exactly does one cut one's tongue in the middle of tennis practice?

 
Blech.  Grody.

What A Weird Commercial

That's really all I have to say.  I was just really confused the whole time.

I Have No Idea What They're Saying. Nor Do I Care.

But they sure are pretty.

Videos of the Spanish Armada prepping for the DC Final:

I'm such a sucker for men who wear scarves.  I don't know what it is.  

Gah. Does Johnny Mac Ever Shut His Mouth?

UPDATED -- Sorry Grandpa, I Got A Man To See (Maybe)

So...if I'm reading this article right, and by that I mean if Google Translator is reading it right, Baby E is in fact coming to Argentina for the DC Final.  This is what the Translator spits out:

By the way, and in this regard, we know that his girlfriend, Ana Ivanovic, will come to the final.  Has reserved site next to the president of the Spanish Tennis Federation, Pedro Munoz.

I hope it's true!

Also, I think the article pokes fun at Fernando's hair. 

UPDATED: Thanks to Kiki, who found another article reporting that she won't be there.  So basically we're back where we started.

Good On Ya, HBO

So weird.  I was just thinking a few days ago that now that Sopranos and Sex and the City are done, I should really cancel my HBO subscription.  But then I saw this:

Home Box Office will take another swing at tennis, airing a special live women’s single elimination tournament in March from Madison Square Garden in New York.

The March 2 “BNP Paribas Showdown for the Billie Jean King Cup” will match four of the top women tennis players -- Serena Williams, Venus Williams, Ana Ivanovic, Jelena Jankovic in a one-night only single elimination event, according to the pay TV network.

The $1.2 million event, the featured component of the national “Tennis Night in America” promotion, is produced by StarGames in association with Madison Square Garden. The event will benefit the Dream Vaccines Foundation and Women's Sports Foundation. 

The players will each play a one-set elimination match, with the two winners meeting in a three-set final.

The event, also celebrating tennis icon King, will mark the first live tennis telecast for HBO since it dropped its 25-year relationship with Wimbledon in 1999. The prestigious grass court tourney from England now airs on ESPN.

Madison Square Garden was that scene this past March of an exhibition tennis match between Roger Federer and Pete Sampras that was the inaugural event on MSG Network Plus and also aired Tennis Channel.

 “We are very excited to be telecasting the BNP Paribas Showdown for the Billie Jean King Cup,” said Ross Greenburg, president HBO Sports in a statement. “We have had a relationship with Billie Jean since 1984 and it’s wonderful to be associated with this unique event.”

Added King:  "I am honored to be part of an event that showcases Serena, Venus, Jelena, and Ana – four of the best players in women's tennis today -- in one of the most storied tennis venues in the world. This collection of players, competing in this spectacular venue, in an event that benefits the Women's Sports Foundation and other organizations, is the perfect mix to deliver an exciting and entertaining celebration of women's sports and tennis."

I'm an easy sell.  It's enough to keep me a subscriber.  That and the fact that The Bourne Supremacy premieres next week.

Pic This: Guess FeLo Just Found Out He Got Dumped For Ana

I Can't.  Stop.  Laughing.

Pic This: Ah, Papparazzi. Gotta Love Em.

Maybe he spikes his hair so that he's as a tall as Ana when she wears heels? 
Yeah, I'm reaching.
(Pic from Ana's Forums)

Air Quotes: Methinks JJ Loves That Bullseye. Good for her

"Now I face the tough challenge of fending off a pack of hungry rivals eager to topple me and I am looking forward to it because I want to dominate the WTA scene."

-- Jelena Jankovic, on the challenges in 2009

The Backwash of Victory

The Russian ladies (sans Bepa and Kuz, oddly) went back to the Motherland to receive their well-deserved props for a fantastic year of Russian tennis. 

Not sure what Lena was thinking here.  There's a lot going on there but I think I'll just focus on the white tights.  Just...why?

 
Lena is so frustrating because she's clearly gorgeous.  Why she goes out of her way to distract people from that fact is beyond me.  She's, like, movie star glam in that pic.

What can I say about Dina that hasn't already been said?  Adorable!

But on the serious, what was up with this weird series of Two Girls, One Cup?

 I think Chakky sums it all up here:

One Part Park Avenue, One Part Russian Hooker

Masha is in NYC this week and last night she attended a CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fund event.

Aw, she looks good, right?  I'm a sucker for any dress that has pockets.

Ack!!!  What?  Why?  Why would you think those shoes go with that outfit?  Hell, why would you think those hideous things would go with ANYTHING.

The picture is somewhat comforting though.  It's nice to cap on the fashion faux pas of someone whose name doesn't end in "vic" or "Williams".

Rafa's Ridiculous Stat

So Rafa's 2008 record was 82-11.  That means he played 93 matches this year, compared to Fed's 78, Nole's 80, and Muzz's 74.  If you take out 60 days for the tennis off-season, Rafa played a pro-level competitive match every 3.3 days.

Insane.

I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream For Ice Cream

A very nice post by Pete on Nole's Shanghai triumph, Roger's transition year, and Rafa's manifest destiny.  But in particular, I loved this:

The silence in TennisWorld is, as they say, deafening, right? It seems like just over a week ago, I was grousing about the endless season and what was shaping up as a Sharade in Shanghai, and now I'm feeling a little paranoid and darting glances left and right: Hey, where did everybody go? What, no tennis? It's an outrage!!!!!!!

When it comes to this game, it seems that there's a little bit of the kid left in all of us. One moment, we're gorging on ice cream (okay, feel free to post your favorite flavor - I'm going with Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia), the next, after the tummy ache has worn off,  we're clamoring for. . . more ice cream.

I too am exhausted by this tennis season, and I admit, last week I just wanted it all to be over.  But now it's Monday and I'm sad that I don't have awesome shit to write about.  Boo.

Tignor also weighs in on the TMC, the lengthy season destructive effect, and Nole's dominant performance:

As he had in his angry win over Roddick at the U.S. Open, Djokovic reminded fans yesterday of why he'd been called the future of tennis as 2008 began. He was hitting with absurd depth on his backhand. He was using his drop shot not as a do-or-die point-ender, but as a sane, mid-point change of pace. He was drilling his on-the-run forehand like Pete Sampras in his prime. He was showing off his daredevil flexibility on defense. He was taking everything as early as possible, changing the direction of the ball whenever he could, and keeping it far from the center of the court. I’ve rarely seen anyone play a less predictable, or more watchable, two sets of baseline tennis. When Djokovic got his feet under him and had time to set up—which was most of the time—there was a sense that he could do anything he wanted with the ball from any position on the court. For the first time since June, Djokovic looked like a streamlined Federer for the future.

Perhaps most encouraging, though, was Djokovic’s mind-set. For months he had floundered through important matches, lacking the controlled edginess that has always produced his best tennis. Rather than mastering his frustration—which, more than with Federer or Nadal, is an integral part of his competitive makeup—he seemed helpless to combat his anger and ready to throw in the towel at the first sign that it might not be his day. For a set and a half, Davydenko failed to plant a seed of frustration in Djokovic's head. The Serb shook off his few misses, kept firing into the corners, and added more topspin for safety on crucial points in the second set. If anything, his edge was a positive one: After winning a point at 3-2 in the second, Djokovic leaped and punched the air in an apparent apparent tribute to his fallen comrade Nadal.

JMDP Poses, Then Practices

I swear he looks like he's posing here. 

And look at that thick luscious hair!

FeLo takes one look at the unibrow and realises he's still the belle of the ball.

Dude.  Don't touch the merchandise.

The Boys Hit The Court In Argentina

The Davis Cup Final begins on Friday, which means we should be getting five days worth of awesome pictures of the boys sweating it up in Mar del Plata.

Nando, I beg of you, shave that longish ratty tail thing you've got going on in the back.  I'm sure Ana likes to twirl it around in her fingers, but still. 

Daveed's racquet never fails to crack me up.  It looks like something Barbie would have.

Here's hoping the trainer next attempts to tackle Granola's "Clooney circa 1994" Roman Centurian hair.

I'm so swooning over Emilio.

Nice to see Argentina actually hitting the courts, seeing as everyone has all but handed the trophy over to them at this point.

Not that they're all that stressed.  Acasuso's drinking herbal tea for god's sake.

SW19 Or Bust

Roger Federer is in Kuala Lumpur for an exhibition with Johnny Mac, Bjorn Borg, and James Blake (James Blake???).  And Roger Federer wants you to know that Roger Federer doesn't care about the #1 ranking.  Roger Federer doesn't care about Australia, France, or America.  Roger Federer cares only for the sweet grass of Wimbledon.

"While I would also love to beat Pete Sampras' Grand Slam record of 14 titles, and also to regain my No. 1 ranking, I place winning another Wimbledon title above all else," said Federer.

It's weird to think that Fed is already starting to psychologically pick his battles.  Or maybe he's starting a PR campaign to manage expectations for 2009.  I don't doubt that he really loves Wimbly though.  You could see that on his face of the GOAT final. 

It did strike me as a little weird that he didn't talk about RG.  It's the one Slam he needs to finish a career Slam, and it's the one place where he's been owned by another player.  I've heard the argument made by a few commentators that Fed can't possibly be considered the GOAT if he was "dominated" by another player in his era.  I think that's a big of a BS argument.  It's one thing if you can't win on hard courts, its another if you can't win on grass or clay.  Those are really specific surfaces that play towards different games and styles. 

I wonder what Masha would say her #1 goal is with respect to Slams.  Would it be RG to complete her career Slam?  Or will she finally concede that she can't win there (which would be stupid considering she got to the semis two years ago with a bum shoulder) and focus on winning Wimbly again?

Air Quotes: Johnny Mac Smokin' Crack

"I also believe that there are personalities in the men's game, much more than in the women's."

-- John McEnroe, on the marketing of men's tennis during his presser in Kuala Lumpur.

Um...Jelena Jankovic has more personality in her unnecessarily caked on make-up than the entire ATP tour.  Just sayin'.

Air Quotes: And So It Is

"What was on my mind on the last point? I was thinking 'Oh great, the season's over.'"

-- Nikolai Davydenko, during his post-match presser in Shanghai

Serena Finds Barack's Balls

Serena was on MadTV last night.  It...wasn't good.

First of all, I'm all about irreverence, but isn't it kind of gauche to be in a sketch where you actually lampoon other players?  Second, if you're going to lampoon other players, at least get it right.  No impersonation of Momo should be scrunchie-less.  Third, if you're going to be on a comedy show, your sketch should PROBABLY be funny.  Just sayin'.

If you're going to do a celebrity cameo on a sketch comedy show, THIS, is how it's done:

Oh, JT. You sir, are a national treasure.

Air Quotes: A Gimelstob Gem

"Beyond stylistic differences on the court, these two have tremendous contrast in personalities.  Mainly, Novak has one. 

-- Justin Gimelstob, during the Nole/Kolya final

Pic This: Spanish Men Age Well, No?

Emilio Sanchez Vicario is totes hot.

Suck It, Haters.

Well the kid everyone loves to hate walked away with his first TMC trophy and a huge confidence booster going into the off-season.  Nole overwhelmed and outplayed a serve-less Kolya, winning 61 75.  And no, the match wasn't even that close. 

This was the best I've seen Nole play since the AO.  His shot selection was spot on.  His head was totally into this match and he was constructing points and executing shots beautifully.  I love smart aggressive Nole.

Also, memo to Nole:  Rafa bites his.  Fed smiles creepily next to his.  Muzz probably screams mercilessly at his.  You should totally start wearing your trophies as hats.

As for Kolya, hey, it was a great tourney for him.  He should have given Nole more of a run, but here's another huge batch of points that in 10 months we'll all totally forget about when we ask "how the hell is that guy in the top 5?"

And as much as he's hated by Rafa and Fed fans around the world (more Fed fans than Rafa fans to be fair), the bottom line is that Nole keeps it interesting.  Don't like his antics on the court?  Fine.  Don't like the stupid shit that comes flying out of his mouth sometimes?  Ok.  Jealous of his awesomely soft kitten-like hair (TM gauloises)?   Duh.  But his talent is real and his game, when it's on, is just awesome.  The only question with him is the mental side.  He's more of a headcase that JJ and Ana combined.  I wish he'd just embrace his "I'm the guy you love to hate" mantle for a while.  But I think Muzz's rise into the upper echelon of challengers to the thrown will take some attention of him and give people another lightening rod to attack.  Because really, if you don't like Nole for the crap he says and does, you really shouldn't like Muzz.

So going into 2009 we've got a wide open race in Australia.  We've got a Rafa that has shown he can win on hard courts, a presuably 100% healed and hungry Fed, a confident Nole with a load of points to defend, and a confident and in-form Muzz looking to bust up the big Three.  And then of course there will the dangerous outliers in Jo and Elf, and bracket busters like Gilly.

Oh yeah, Nole will finish the year on 10 points behind Fed.  And, most likely, Nole will go into AO 09 at #2 because Fed isn't playing any warm up tournaments in January.  How nutty is that?

Baby E Brings Her Flock Of Seagulls Back To Serbia

While Serena was visiting kids and schools in her homeland, Ana returned to hers to do the same on behalf of UNICEF. 

She was in Belgrade visiting a school that had just joined the Schools Without Violence program.

Augh.  I know your hair stylist is in Argentina right now, but seriously, that hair needs TO GO.  How did he not show you how to do it yourself before he left?  What a horrible boyfriend.  You should dump him.

 

Serena Teaches Kids How To Blog. Be Afraid. Be VERY Afraid.

It's always nice to see our top ballers give back, especially when it involves kids.  Serena was in Kenya on a three-day charity tour, conducting clinics and opening up a school.  The school was erected in one-month and was co-funded by HP.

Serena showing off her freshly healed ab muscles.

Is that girl wearing ReRe's 2004 US Open outfit?

"So you can just put any thought that ever pops in your head and then people will read it and make fun of you.  Here, try it!"

Note to ReRe: Yes, black is slimming, honey.  But not like this.  Not like this.

Oh, Serena. 

JJ = Feminine, Unusual, and Noticed

From The Peninsula Online, news on the JJ Movie and her fashion line:

Director Tanja Brzakovic said the documentary was borne out of her fascination with Jankovic, the charismatic Serb who secured the year-ending women’s number one ranking with three successive titles in recent months.

“I am fascinated, above all, by Jelena’s energy and her being a real fighter: even when it seems a match is lost, she never gives up,” Brzakovic was quoted as saying in the Belgrade daily Blic.

The film starts with Jankovic beginning her day as any other ordinary girl, but soon switches to her strict daily regime, packed with training sessions and calls with the press and fans.

“Although a fighter, mentally and physically strong, she is not a super-hero, but above all, natural and hon est... and the director recognises it skillfully,” a review in the Politika newspaper said. “She will laugh at herself, cry over sad memories, swear if she is angry, be shy about intimate details, and that is why she is a perfect movie hero,” film critic Dubravka Lakic wrote in the daily. The documentary can be seen in several cinemas in the Serbian capital, while its makers, Talas Film, hope to secure a global distribution deal for it soon.

...

The outfits—made of silk, leather and lace—were designed for “young women who like to be noticed, feminine and unusual,” she was quoted as telling Blic.

“So far I have designed dresses, skirts and bags, but I would also like to do a swimwear line,” said Jankovic, who herself modelled several dresses at the show.

The biggest hit with the audience was a golden wedding dress, but Jankovic brushed off questions whether she would soon marry her boyfriend, Montenegrin waterpolo player Mladjan Janovic.

“The dress is in this colour since I end this year as a golden number one... but I am still too young and have no intention to marry,” said the 23-year old who is yet to claim a Grand Slam title.

The Muzz Train Runs Out of Gas

 
The biggest question coming out of yesterday's epic Muzz/Fed match was whether or not young Andy's body could recover in 24 hours to beat Kolya.  Apparently not. 

Andy clearly had nothing left and lost listlessly to the relentless Russian, 75 62.  Andy's legs must have felt like sandbags because there's just no way he loses to Kolya if he's moving well.  Understandable, but disappointing.  You have to wonder whether all that effort spent to beat Fed was worth it.  Could it be that Nole's "tanking" against Jo showed more experience in energy management?  I hate to answer yes to that but it's hard to argue.

Now we'll see whether Nole can capitalize or whether Kolya can take advantage of the cards being dealt to him.  He got an extra days' rest to face an exhausted Muzz.  Now, he's face a physically worked over Nole in the final tomorrow.  Nole had some calf trouble today so we'll see if that affects his movement tomorrow.

Augh.  If Kolya wins this I'm gonna be pissed.  Like, mouth of a Safina pissed.

Nole Barely Survives Commodus' Wrath

It was a tight match from start to finish, but Nole survived, coming back from a set down to  beat Gilly, 46 63 75.

GIlly looked good early, taking the early set.  But then he called for the trainer early in the second set, Nole smelled blood, started yanking him around the court and took the set fairly easily at three.  In the final set, Nole was up 3-1 but then sustained some sort of calf injury that forced him to call the trainer.  Gilly fought hard to capitalize but in the end, Nole found a way and took it 75.  Thus endeth the remarkable 6 month run that Gilly had.  Can't wait to see him again in 2009.

Look!  Serbian Natalie Portman!

It must be kind of nice for Nole to have his girl in Shanghai with him. Then again, maybe she's there to keep him focused on his training, if you know what I mean.  But this would be a really nice win for the Troubled One, who hasn't had that great of a run since the USO.  This would give him quite the momentum for his title defense in Australia, no?

Air Quotes: Cronin on Spain's Chances At Davis Cup

"Basically what they have to do, they have to ask Fernando Verdasco to play singles and doubles.  That's what they're doing.  They have to rest their hopes on Fernando Verdasco.  Really, the most interesting question going into Davis Cup is whether Ivanovic is going to show up."

-- Matt Cronin, snarking it up on Spain's pending destruction in Argentina

Air Quotes: At Least He Didn't Use The Third Person This Time

"I don't quit once I step on court. Guess you got to drill me one in the eye, then maybe. But otherwise I don't quit.  The body was hurting, you know. Normally a best-of-three match is peanuts. So it was a pity I couldn't handle it today."

-- Roger Federer, reiterating that Roger Federer does not quit.

Baby Beluga. Literally.

I'd like to start a petition that all tennis players must play in corduroy overalls from now on.  Because clearly the game is classier that way.

Pic This: Oof.

 

Quantum of Glitter

 
According to a poster over at Tennis Forum, Jelena's World, which premiered on Wednesday, has sold more tickets than Quantum of Solace. 

Seriously?

You, Sir, Have A Heart Of A Champion. Still Not #1 Though.

Much love to The Fed for an extremely valiant and gutsy performance against Muzzah today.  He's clearly still recovering from that stomach bug and to top it all off, his "old man" back flared up again, which completely fucked up his serve.  The result was pure heart, but in the end he couldn't overcome a determined Muzz, losing 46 76(3) 75.

(This pic rules.  Check out the crown)

And thus endeth TMF's 2008 campaign.  A solid year by any other player's standards but a disappointing year for Fed.  With either Nole or Muzz poised to win this tourney, it will be interesting to see if 2008 was the year the kids took over.  I was actually kind of, at times, occassionally, in the stillness of the hour, rooting for Fed to take this thing because it would have been a nice storyline, seeing as how he didn't win a single Masters Shield all year.  Ah well, it's not like I'm crying about it now.
 
Because at the end of the day, this was kind of the perfect result for me.  Fed is out of the tournament, but not before proving to me once again that he's got the heart of lion, the fight of a cougar, and the wily magicality of a Liger.  Murray has got to be somewhat spent after this hard fought three hour match and will have to turn around to play Kolya tomorrow. 

And Fed's loss means Forty Deuce #1 Crush Commodus is into the semifinals!!!

Oh, Gilly.  Don't tease me with those chicken legs, stick arms, and that brooding look.  He took care of business today, beating The Worm, 61 64.  He'll now play Nole tomorrow for a spot in the finals.

You have to think, of all these guys, Nole becomes the front runner here.  Andy's tired and Roger's out.  He should be able to take out Gilly but let's not forget that in their only meeting of their careers, Gilly beat Nole in Marseille earlier this year.  So don't count our boy out.

Screw AnaFer. Give Me More DinarKo

A million thanks to Carrie for passing this along.  It's like watching a blind three legged puppy play with a ball of yarn.

Shanghai: Friday OOP

The last round robin matches are set for Friday and to say it's all about "#2 is the first loser" Fed is an understatement.  From Tennis.com:

Federer controls his own destiny – if he wins, he will reach the semifinals. If he loses, Simon will reach the semifinals. Murray is guaranteed to advance to the semifinals, but will do so as the second-place finisher if he loses to Federer and the first-place finisher if he defeats Federer.

Of if you want more detail:

Possible scenarios:

 - Federer wins, Simon wins    >> Semifinals: Federer vs. Davydenko, Djokovic vs. Murray
                
             Detailed summary     >> Murray, Federer, Simon all tied at 2-1 in matches
                                               >> % sets won to decide:
                                              - Federer in 2 sets, Simon in 2 sets
                                                   >> Federer through in 1st place, Murray 2nd place (via H2H)
                                              - Federer in 3 sets, Simon in 2 sets
                                                   >> Federer through in 1st place (via H2H), Murray 2nd place
                                             - Federer in 2 sets, Simon in 3 sets
                                                   >> Federer through in 1st place, Murray in 2nd place
                                            - Federer in 3 sets, Simon in 3 sets
                                                   >> Federer through in 1st place (via H2H), Murray in 2nd place

 - Federer wins, Simon loses   >> Semifinals: Federer vs. Davydenko, Djokovic vs. Murray
                                                >> Federer through in 1st place (via H2H), Murray in 2nd place

 - Federer loses, Simon wins   >> Semifinals: Murray vs. Davydenko, Djokovic vs. Simon
                                                >> Murray through in 1st place, Simon in 2nd

 - Federer loses, Simon loses >> Semifinals: Murray vs. Davydenko, Djokovic vs. Simon
                                                >> Murray through in 1st place, Simon in 2nd place (via H2H)

There you go.  Play as always starts at 5am EST:
1.  The Worm vs. Forty Deuce's #1 Crush
2.  Muzz vs. Some Random Dude Who Plays Tennis

Needless to say, Go Muzz!

Double Your Pleasure, Double Your Fun, Double Your Drama

ROTFLMAO.

Kolya Kualifies

Well The Forgotten One has booked himself a spot into the semifinals in Shanghai, dusting the very tired Elf, 63 62.  Even though he and Nole finish 2-1 in round robin play, Nole will be the #1 seed out of the group because he won their head to head battle. 

As for the Elf, time to go home and rest up for Davis Cup.  Methinks this was a blessing and he knows it.

Is Nole Mental?

Either Nole's mentally the weakest of all the Serbs or his team tried to pull a Team Ivanovic but got it wrong.  He played a really solid two sets against Jo and then, after losing the second one, basically went away and gave Jo the match.  Jo won 16 75 61.

If anyone watched this match (yes, I was watching it at 3am) you know that Nole basically tanked that last set.  It was reminiscent of his match against Muzz in Cincy, where he just clearly didn't want to be on the court anymore.  He just started firing away and either hitting winners (rare) or missing badly (not so rare).

The thing is, that's fine if this match didn't mean anything and he was just trying to conserve energy.  He had to work damn hard in that second set and then played one bad game and lost 75.  I can understand if he did the risk/reward analysis between sets and was like "Meh.  Not worth it."  Besides, he's good buddies with Jo and why not just give the kid the $100k for winning the match.  Seriously, I think this is what was going on in his head.

But as people noted yesterday, if Nole ran the table here and Roger lost today, he would finish the year at #2.  Did he not know this?  Did his team not tell him?  Or did he know and simply not care?

I tend to think it's the latter.  That he's thinking big picture and just wants to win the tourney.  But dude, even JJ busted her ass to try and win that dead rubber against Bepa in Doha.  And I've never seen Ana tank a match because she didn't want to be on the court anymore. 

I love you Nole.  I think you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders and it's totally unfair to you.  But true Champions don't pull this shit.  Because at the end of the day they take great pride in their competitive spirit and they hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate losing, no matter if it's an exo, a dead rubber, or a Grand Slam final. 

You should never get comfortable with losing.  Ever.

Air Quotes: Officially The First Frenchman To Capture My Heart

Q: You beat Roger Federer once. People might call it an accident or a surprise. Now it's the second time. What would you call it?

GILLES SIMON: A second accident.

Eastern European Hooker or Russian Mail Order Bride? You Make The Call.

Just because it's the WTA off-season doesn't mean there's nothing to write about.  This is from a "fashion show" in Belgrade yesterday for one of JJ's sponsors, Mona.  No offense to Mona, but this looks like one of those "fashion shows" my gay cousin would put on in our house when we were kids.

I'll let the pics and video do the talking.  Because seriously?  I have NO words.  Too many questions, not enough answers.  Not unlike how I felt watching my gay cousin's fashion shows.

 

 
Wait for the 51 second mark.

Thanks to Miljan for passing these along.

Pic This: One Thing Nando and Ana Have In Common (It Always Comes Back To Rafa)

They both would love to take their shirts off in exchange for a Rafa hug.  Though, wouldn't we all?


Awww....I feel like this hug meant WAY more to Nando than to Rafa.

Blood vs. Heart

From Matt Cronin:

Tennis' hottest new couple, Fernando Verdasco and Ana Ivanovic (nicknamed “Anando” by some) are in Madrid this week and hopefully, the Spaniard is getting some practice in, because it sure looks like he’s going to have play singles and doubles against David Nalbandian, Juan Martin Del Potro et al during the Davis Cup final in Argentina next week. A reader posed the question: what AI is going to do with Verdasco the week before Spain faces Serbia in Davis Cup next year? Maybe take him up to the Djokovoc’s Pizza and Pancake (as Court Coverage calls it, "The official players restaurant of the tournament formerly known as Amersfoort") and lay the syrup on a little too heavy? Verdasco is known as a bit of a playboy, but how about Jurgen Melzer, who once dated Anastasia Myskina and Nicole Vaidisova is now dating Dominika Cibulkova, who dated Gael Monfils. The two were recently photographed together smooching on vacation. Does the couple nickname “Domi-elzer” work for anyone?

I totally forgot about the Spain/Serbia tie in March.  Baby E and her camp better start working on their response to the "Who are you rooting for" questions now.  That's a dicey one.

Shanghai: Thursday OOP

Boy, Nole and Jo just can't stay away from each other, can they.  They'll meet yet again tomorrow in a somewhat meaningless match.  Nole's already qualified and Jo's already out.  It's all for pride and a win here would do Nole a lot of good confidence-wise.  The winner of the Kolya/Elf match will advance to the semis.

1. Nole v. Jo
2. Kolya v. Hot Crazy Train

Play begins at 5am EST.

Spoiler Alert: She's Been Dead The Whole Time

Last week, in addition to crushing the field in Doha, Venus also received the 6th Sense award.  What's the 6th Sense award?  Yeah, I have no clue.  Is that like women's intuition?

From the WTA Site:

The award honors the player who has demonstrated the most intuition throughout the year. Venus joins illustrious past 6TH SENSE winners that include fellow former No.1s Justine Henin (2005, 2007) and Maria Sharapova (2006).

Williams was one of 10 players short-listed for the award via an online competition organized by Whirlpool, Premier Sponsor of the Tour. Fans from across Europe were invited to view the 10 nominees online and vote for who they felt demonstrated best the 6TH SENSE attributes - intuition, intelligence, precision. There was a new format this year, seeing two pools being introduced, with Williams winning the first pool and Ana Ivanovic the second.

From the two finalists, Williams was chosen as the 6TH SENSE Player of the Year by an expert panel that consisted of former great Conchita Martínez; Eurosport's chief commentator, Sam Smith; and leading tennis correspondent and member of the International Tennis Writers Association, Barry Wood.

So this isn't a WTA award, right?  And why is it only voted on by European fans?  That seems weird.  All that being said, I can't think of anyone else that deserves it as much as she does.

Clearly JJ Has No Power With The Players' Council

"You're doing great, Jelena.  Now on my count, push."

Another interesting result from last week's Pajama Party.  The WTA is instituting a cap on the number of medical timeouts a player can use during the year free of charge.  After that, players will be required to pay for any additional timeouts they use:

As prizemoney soars to record levels despite the potential bite of the global economic crisis, the financial penalties are unlikely to inflict excessive pain, ranging from $US100 ($A151) per visit at smaller tournaments such as the new Brisbane International in January, to about $500 at the biggest, such as Indian Wells, Miami, Madrid and Beijing.

The four grand slams, which are run by the International Tennis Federation, would be exempt from the cap, expected to be set at six or seven for the year. The ATP has no plans to introduce a similar system, but is likely to monitor its impact.

This is kind of fucked up for the lower ranked players, who generally are not in as good of physical shape as the top players and therefore more likely to get injured.  I'm all for reducing the number of useless medical timeouts for massages and spa treatments, but is this really going to do anything other than hurt the lower ranked players?  I'm pretty sure the multi-millionaires aren't going to care if they have to shell out $100 for a quick massage.  Hell, that's cheaper than at my spa.

Also, I can't help but imagine this topic being brought up at the pajama party and everyone silently staring at JJ and her just shrugging,  "What?  Why are you looking at me?"

No reason.  No reason at all.
 

UPDATED: A-Rod Pulls Out, Radek Borrows Socks, Fed Blowin' Chunks

First, A-Rod had to withdraw from his match with Fed due to a ankle sprain that he sustained during practice. 

Then, Radek, the next alternate, who didn't have any of his gear, had to borrow a racquet from Nole, socks from Muzzah (hope those were clean), and run out to buy contacts.  Apparently he had his racquet bag shipped over but they hadn't cleared customs at the time he got the call to play.

Then Fed beat Radek in straight sets, 76(4) 64, in a tightly contested match.  Had Radek won he would have had a chance to qualify for the semis and Fed would have probably been done.  I have to say, you gotta give Radek some props given the circumstances.  That couldn't have been easy.

After the match, Fed revealed that he had a stomach virus and had the match been scheduled for yesterday he would have had to withdraw.  But he gutted it out (heh), and his chances of qualifying are still alive.  That being said, he's going to need to beat an in form Andy Murray, who has already stated he ain't taking it easy on the World Not #1.

UPDATED: Pete Bodo's thoughts on today's shenanigans.

Russell Brand Hearts Serena

So if you don't know who Russell Brand is I hope you took the time yesterday to catch the "Inside of You" video.  I know Brits think he's annoying as hell but I flove him.  I saw him do stand up last week and I haven't laughed that hard since I saw Sarah Silverman a few years ago.  Or since I saw those Halloween pics of Serena.  Whatever.

Well speaking of Serena, Russell's got a bit of crush on her.  And of course, he's hilarious about it:

And as a bonus for you RB neophytes, here's the other music video from Forgetting Sarah Marshall:

Muzz Shoves Gilly Aside, Eyes Fed Next.

Commodus ran into a stronger, faster, more powerful version of himself today.  And even though he did what he does (coming back from 4-1 down in the first), Gilly still lost fairly easily, 64 62.

Muzz is looking good, folks.  He's clinched a spot into the semis and will play an ailing Fed next (more on that in a sec).  And to those that think he's going to mail it in on Thursday, think again:

"I don't try and find a balance.  I try and beat Federer. Ideally, I'd like to knock him out of the competition if I can. I'd rather not have to play him twice in one week. He's the best player ever."

Go Andy!

This Is What Happens When Your BFF Gets A New Boyfriend

So Masha's BFF, Camilla Belle, is reportedly dating Joe Jonas, of the JoBros.  I don't know the JoBros.  I've never heard a song or seen them perform or anything.  All I know is that they're quite the pop culture phenomenon.  The Hanson of 2008 if you will.  And becauser they're everywhere, they annoy the shit out of me.

But all I know is that he is 19 and looks like this:

And she is 22 and looks like this:

Masha.  I beseech you.  Stop sucking face with Charlie for like, two seconds, and right this ship.