Forty Deuce

Trophy Hoister Sunday: Muzzah and Venus

After a day of semifinal upsets, all was right in the WTA/ATP world.  Venus avenged her 3 match skid against Flava Flav, beating her 76(1) 62.  This is Venus' first WTA title of the year.

Guess what, Venus?  You get a puppy!

This win puts Venus in great position to get that last YEC spot. 

And in the Battle of the Birds (Baby Owl vs. The Muzzard) Andy came out on top, though it looked for a second there like Commodus was going to stage yet another comeback.  But Andy held him off to win 64 76(6) for his second Masters shield of the year and further cementing him as a solid #4 and challenger to the Rafa/Fed monopoly.

Your reward?  An opportunity to be a completely awkward doofus around pretty girls with boobies:

Which obviously led to this:

Hah.

But before we leave Zurich and Madrid, can we just give a shout out to our runner-ups, Flava Flav and Commodus? 

Flavs who ended JJ's win streak and stormed on to the finals.

And Gilly, the comeback kid, who scratched and clawed his way to the final, beating Rafa along the way.  Those are two awesome feel-good stories.

Baby E vs. Venus Highlights

Highlights (some of those forehands make me grin like an idiot):

Last two games: (AI comes back from 0-40, and Venus serves it out):

Welcome to Mainstream America, Baby E.

Sent to me by Forty Deucer (and marginally good friend) Love All, who saw it at Macy's in downtown San Francisco this morning:

Luckily it's San Francisco so no one thought twice about some chick taking this picture in the middle of the store.  Though I'm sure Love All did it in an unnecessarily creeptastic way.  That's just how she rolls.

You know what's embarrassing though?  The fact that there is a flagship Adidas store just two blocks down from that Macys and there isn't one picture or reference to AI in that entire two story store. 

Lame-O, Adidas.  But you know that already.

Pic This: Respect.

Zurich 2004 Redux

Congrats to Venus who served lights out today to beat Baby E, 46 63 64.  Venus gave Ana absolutely no chance to break in the third and unfortunately, Ana played one crap game in the final set, which gave Venus the break she needed.  Venus will play Flavia in tomorrow's final.  Flava Flav has beaten her three straight times, including just last week in Stuttgart Moscow.

But Baby E can and should walk out of Zurich with her head held high.  This was a solid week for her not just because of, or in spite of, her results, but because she finally showed her quality.  Today's match was by far the best she's looked since RG, and I would say that it was better than their AO 08 quarterfinal match.  They both played well, they both deserved to win, but in the end it was Venus' untouchable serve and Ana's 2 minute mental walkabout that decided the match.

On to Linz where Baby E does not have a particularly easy draw.  But if she can get through it will further build her confidence going into Doha.

Muzzah's Revenge.

Starting the day's trend of comeback upsets, A-Muzz was able to come back from a set down to oust the resurgent TMF, 36 63 75.  I haven't had a chance to see the match yet and can't comment on the play, but from all the match reports it sounds like Murray served extremely well and played aggressively, putting Fed on the run. 

So tomorrow's final will be the pure counterpuncher, Gilly, vs the aggressive counterpuncher, Andy.  You have to wonder how much Gilly has left in the tank.  But let us not forget, Commodus is indestructable.  His run here in Madrid is quite reminiscent of Dinara's run in Berlin this year. 

With Fed's loss, Rafa is assured of the year-end #1 ranking.  It also means Fed has yet to win a Masters shield this year, which is quite surprising.  He'll have another shot (if he takes it) in Paris.  It would not shock me if Fed withdraws.

The French Bulldog Downs The Bull.

Putting aside the Wimbledon final, this was quite possibly the most awesome men's match of the year.  Gilles Simon, aka Commodus, aka Chicken Legs, aka Baby Owl, did it.  He outworked, outlasted, outwitted, outguiled, and outgutted The Bull, 46 75 76(6).  This was an amazing match and I can't wait to get home and watch it again.

After the week he's had, is it any doubt that Commodus is indestructable?  All of his wins have been in three sets, 3/4 have gone to third set tie breakers, and in all of them he was a break down in the third set. 

Also, let's face it, Gilly , as I've said before, is the ATP JJ.  A pure counterpuncher and fluffy serve, yes, but he's got the fight, the guts, and the relentless athletic ability to outrun his opponents.  And that was nowhere more impressive than in the show he put on by the normally relentless Rafa, who rarely, if ever, gets outrun.  Much like JJ, Gilly plays a unique game and he's shown it can be successful against the big hitters.  And he does it all with a hint of smile that seems to acknowledge the absolute ridiculousness of the situation.  Thankfully, unlike JJ, he does it all sans makeup, glitter, and the splits. 

So really, he's not JJ at all.

I'm on cloud nine, folks.  I love Rafa, but I love tennis more.  And today was a great day for high quality tennis, even if my faves didn't win.  I am officially on the Muzzah (more on that in a sec), Gilly trains. 

Pic This: "Feli, seriously, put some underwear on."

Dogs, Their Pants, and the Inability To Keep Stuff Inside Them.

A really nice profile of Flava Flav over at TennisReporters.net. 

But of course it's never a complete profile unless you can get some juicy tidbits about Flav's breakup with Chuck the Douchebag Moya:

With her smiling girlish face, she is popular with crowds, particularly so in Switzerland where she is as close to a home player as the host nation of the Zurich Open can get. She lists her residence as Verbier, an Alpine resort in the southern Alps, where she has an apartment. It’s a remnant from her three-year liaison with Carlos Moya which ended last year. “He was living in Geneva, so we thought we’d take a place in the mountains, just to enjoy it a bit more. Verbier is a very nice place, we went there once and it was very relaxing. I always go after Roland Garros and Wimbledon because no-one is there in that period.”

Though still raw from the way her relationship ended – she paid Moya what was supposed to be a welcome surprise visit when he was playing the tournament in Båstad in July 2007, only to find him with another woman – she has kept on the apartment and hopes it will one day be an ideal springboard for learning to ski. But for now she is concentrating on her tennis – to increasingly impressive effect.

Message to dudes: We're not as fragile as you think we are.  Just say "I don't want to be with you anymore" and then go diddle whatever the heck you want.  Order of Operations, people.  It's important in math and it's important in life.

The Boy Is Good, No?

What can you do, indeed.   Rafa is just on fire these days and he's got that look and strut of a man who believes he can't and won't be beaten.  He took out good buddy FeLo, 64 64 to advance to tomorrow's semifinal, where he'll face Gilly Simon, who came back to beat Dr. Ivo, 76(1) 46 76(2). 

Huge win for Gilly.  He was pretty excited about it:

 

Gilly, save your energy for Rafa.  You're gonna need it.

 

Welcome to the Big Leagues, Little Boy.

Well, it wasn't what we were expecting, but then again, maybe it was.  TMF put the smackdown on Forty Deuce Fave JMDP, 63 63.  A valiant effort from Crazy Train, but Fed is moving and serving really well in Madrid.  A clash with Rafa seems imminent.

 
In the other quarterfinal, Gael was no match for A-Muz, who dispatched him in surpringly quick form, 62 62.  LaMonf may be considered the best athlete on the tour, but Andy can give as good as he gets and in the end LaMonf couldn't match Murray's wit and guile.  Andy's a smart player.  Sometimes too smart for his own good.  But if you leave the ball in the middle of the court and let Andy dictate, you're an idiot.  Andy's too smart for that and unlike Blake and Gonzo, he's not gonna get duped into going for crazy shots and hitting UFEs.

So it'll be a rematch of the USO final tomorrow between Fed and Andy. 

Will we have a rematch of the Wimbly/RG final on Sunday between Rafa and Fed?

We gonna see.
 

Well Phuket, Thailand. We Have A Win Streak.

I honestly didn't think when I posted that 2004 Zurich match yesterday that it would be foreshadowing things to come.  It didn't even cross my mind.  But here we are.

Baby vs. Venus tomorrow.  Venus will have revenge on her mind for her Australian Open loss to Baby E.  And Baby E will have revenge on her mind for her loss to Venus in Zurich four years ago.  Should be saucy.

Here's what I find really intriguing about tomorrow's match.  This will be the first time AI plays someone who at least mentally, she'll get "up" to play against.  Her matches these past few months have all been against qualifiers and players she's supposed to beat.  But tomorrow will be the first time she'll feel like she has something to prove and pride to play for. 

Ana "gets up" to play against certain players.  JJ comes immediately to mind obviously.  But I do think Venus is another one.  Her intensity and excitement during their AO 08 quarterfinal was palpable.  It should be an intense affair.

And as CMS observed in prior comments, Venus is already giving Ana some bulletin board material:

“I played Ivanovic four years ago here in Zurich, but I do not really remember the match against her, I only remember that I was leading each set like 4:1, 4:1.”

Watch out, Venus.  The last player to say they didn't remember playing Ana was JJ.  And we know how that's turned out...

The other semfinal will be Flava Flav and AMG, who benefitted from a retirement from Vika in the second set.  Looks like she strained a chest muscle.

Looks like both matches will be aired on Tennis Channel in the States, though they won't be live.  They'll be airing at 1pm (Flav/AMG) and 3pm (AI/Venus) EST.

Can I Have Chakky Narrate My Life?

She's got the greatest voice on tour.  It's so...indifferent.  Like she's constantly annoyed.  I love it.

Flashback: Zurich 2004 -- Baby Elephant Cannonballs Onto the Scene.

I'm so stoked!  AI's 2004 Zurich match against Venus has been uploaded to YouTube.  Seriously you guys, you HAVE to watch it.  A) This is where she got her Baby Elephant nickname (not from the commentators but from a journo who wrote up the match), B) at 16 years old she takes Venus to two tiebreak sets, and C) she leaves to a standing ovation from the Swiss crowd.

It's uploaded in 12 parts but here is the first set breaker:

Madrid and Zurich OOP For Friday

First, highlights from today's play:

Now for the Order of Play for Friday:

Zurich: Centre Court (from 14.00hrs)
1. Pennetta vs. Srebotnik
2. Medina Garrigues vs. Azarenka (NB 15.15hrs)
3. Schiavone vs. V.Williams (NB 18.00hrs)
4. Kvitova vs. Ivanovic (NB 20.30hrs)

Madrid: Center Court (from 14.00hrs)
1. Monfils vs. Murray
2. JMDP vs. Fed
3. Nadal vs. FeLo (NB 20.00hrs)
4. Karlovic vs. Simon

That Wasn't Cool, Dude. This Ain't Grand Theft Auto.

This is the ugliest picture of Fed ever.  EVER.  Yuck!

Anywho, Fed gave Jo-Willy The Pimp an absolute lashing, beating him 64 61 in a little over an hour.  That's just straight up cold.  I'm fairly certain Jo-Willy was seen shopping at Louis Vuitton later humming "It's Hard Out There For A Pimp". 

 
Elsewhere, it's pretty hard for any player look more dastardly than Nole on the court.  Somehow, Dr. Ivo succeeded with his weird stubble and gaunt facial structure.  But the look worked as he beat Nole 76(4) 76(5). 

That's a tough loss for Nole.  He wasn't broken once in the match and only faced one break point.  But that's what you get when you play Ivo, especially in Madrid where the air is thinner and his serves fly even faster through the air.  Big bummer.  Aerodynamic Andy also bit the dust today, losing to LaMonf 64 36 63. 

But Rafa?  He marches on and continues his quest to be the year end #1.  And he's Kodaking every minute of it.  He beat Reeshie 64 62.

He looks super hot in that pic.  My favorite one of him yet.

Here are the rest of the scores froma very interesting and exciting day in Madrid:

[4] A Murray (GBR) d M Cilic (CRO) 75 76(2)
[9] J Del Potro (ARG) d [7] D Nalbandian (ARG) 64 62
F Lopez (ESP) d [10] S Wawrinka (SUI) 64 64
G Simon (FRA) d [Q] R Ginepri (USA) 67(6) 64 76(6) - Saved 2 M.P

Always Nice to Hear Eurosport Giggle Like Little Boys

Here are the last two games of the AI vs. Bartoli match from today.  You can almost hear the commentators wishing they were the ball at 6:40.  The boys just can't help themselves.

Stop the Presses: Baby E Wins In Two Sets!!!

That's right folks, AI got a straight set win today over an (arguably) tough opponent in Mono Bartoli, 62 64.  She served at 74%, had 5 aces, and 1 double fault.  The match really should have been closer to 62 62, but Ana being Ana had a bit of a brain fart at the end of the second set, needing a few games to close it out.  That causes me a little bit of concern (she really needs to recapture that killer instinct) but at this point a win is a win.

Next up, Petra Kvitova.  They played just a few months ago in Montreal, where Ana debuted her busted thumb.  AI was still able to win in three sets.  Kvitova is infuriating to watch.  If she's on she can beat almost anyone.  She just goes for her shots irrespective of position, circumstance, or balance, and either it's in or it's out.  There is no rhythm at all.

In bummer news, Bepa retired from her match due to injury.  In other words, this tourney is Ana's or Venus' to win.  Come on, girls.

Flashback: Who Would Have Known?

Dinara's post match interview after beating Justine in Berlin.  Adorable, as per yoosh.

The Wheels Fall Off The Glitter Train

You can't blame the woman who has played 20 tournaments this year, built almost a 1000 point cushion in the Race, and who gained the #1 ranking to finally run out of gas.  But you also have to worry about the injuries "sustained" in her second round loss to Flava Flav.  How will this affect her performance at the YEC?

Yup, The Drama Queen lost today to Flavs, 57 63 63.  According to match reports The Train was running smoothly until the end of the first set when she took a hard fall and cut her knee.  From there, Flavia took control and raced away with the last two sets.

Said JJ after the match, "I had no gas left in the tank.  "I am not a robot and after winning three titles in different time zones and climates I felt mentally and physically tired."

Oh, JJ.  There are many things we accuse of being.  A robot is not one of them. 

Meanwhile, Vika handed the rare double bagel to Niculscu 60 60.  The same Niculescu who just days earlier beat Chakky in three sets.  Nutty.  And Kvitova beat JJ-hater Sofia Arvidsson, 62 61.

Right now Agi is a dogfight with Kata Srebotnik (oh, looks like Srebotnik just broke in the third and is serving for the set at 5-3).  And then Baby E and Mono will take the court.  Bepa and AMG will follow.

Jo-Willy Is a Pimp. A PIMP.

Seriously, the dude is adorable.  With this video he may have vaulted to the top of my "OHMYGOSHHESSOCUTEOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH" list. 

Wertheim Weighs In On the Serbian Sisters

 
Jon Wertheim (who I totally have a crush on) offered his thoughts on the JJ Domination and AI Debacle of the past few months in this week's mailbag:

I used to think this notion was controversial and didn't want to submit it for fear of being ridiculed, but I think the time has finally come: Jelena Jankovic is a better No. 1 than Ana Ivanovic. Here's a few reasons why.

Ana was tremendously helped in reaching No. 1 by Justine Henin's retirement and a cupcake draw to her first slam (Ana faced zero slam finalists vs. Dinara Safina, who faced a combined 4 slams, 5 finals, and several match points). When Jelena became the top-ranked player, everyone said she needed to at least reach a slam final to deserve it. She ends up doing it and doesn't embarrass herself in the process. The press (and I used to think justifiably so) keep hounding her about not deserving such a prestigious position, and yet she continues to win day in and day out.

I don't think I even need to remind anyone of Ana's W-L record at the moment. Jankovic, for being accused of not being as mentally tough as her compatriot, seems to have proved otherwise (maybe we should have suspected this when Ana's team had to hide from her the opportunity of reaching No. 1 at the French). And I know people could say Ana's been injured (her's was probably far more serious than the laundry list of Jelena's injuries), but let's compare with the other No. 1s in the past couple of years who've come back from an extended injury.
-- Robert Kelso, Los Angeles

• Several of you have written in these past few weeks making a similar, if less detailed, observation. It's unfortunate that these comparisons have to be made. But, realistically, it's inevitable. You have two colleagues from the same small country, roughly the same age, with contrasting styles and mannerisms and ... well, what do you expect? I don't disagree with Robert's premise, but I still say we ought to reserve judgment until Ivanovic is at full strength. Clearly she is just a shard of the uninhibited ball-striker who won the French Open. There's a mental component to her struggles these past few months, but she is injured as well. So let's hold off here.

Let's do, however, take this opportunity to give some props to Jankovic, who appears to be filling the vacuum at the top of the WTA rankings and acquitting herself like a No. 1 player. On the heels of her run to the U.S. Open final, Hammerin' Jank has won three titles and will finish 2008 with the No. 1 ranking. Plus, she's done it with that polished smile on her face and a sense of candor we haven't seen since Martina Hingis.

What's more, at a time when even the former players are lamenting the one-dimensional ball-bashing on the women's tour, Jankovic plays a whimsical retrieving style that relies on more than brute force. I'm still wary of going overboard praising a top player who's never won a Slam. (See below). And I still worry that Jankovic plays too many events for her own good. But she's been the best player in the business these past few months. And for that, to borrow a phrase, I have to praise you like I should.

Now that Jelena Jankovic has won her fourth title of the year in Moscow (and third in as many weeks), what do you think it would take for her to win the WTA Player of the Year Award? It seems as if she's got the No. 1 spot sewn up for the year on the strength of a late fall surge, but I wonder what it would take for the WTA to give her the nod over Serena (whose four titles overall, including the U.S. Open, and Wimbledon final do seem more noteworthy).
-- Bryan Cameron, Philadelphia

• I may have to revisit this if J-squared turns in a dominating performance at the year-end championships. But I just can't support awarding the equivalent of an MVP award to a player who hasn't won a Grand Slam. Much as we all love the Kremlin Cup and the China Open and the other tour events, the four Slams are the tentpole events. They call 'em majors for a reason. I'm sticking with Serena.

Zurich Roundup: The Big Girls Hit It Tomorrow.

A fairly blah day in Zurich today.  Venus won, beating Alona Bonderenko 63 64.

In the "What Should Have Been Competitive But So Wasn't" category, how about Flava Flav's absolutely trouncing of Nads, 61 61.  That scoreline shocked me as these are two players who have had solid seasons, big wins recently, and match up fairly well.  Too bad, Nads.  Too bad.

And in the "I'm Sad To Report" category, our girl MaKiri was dumped out of the tourney by Tranny.  That's ok, MaKiri.  You still gave us the Glamour Girl matchup of the tourney.  Nothing but love for you, honey.

OOP for Thursday:

Centre Court (from 14.00hrs)
1. Jankovic vs. Pennetta
2. Srebotnik vs. A.Radwanska (NB 15.15hrs)
3. Bartoli vs. Ivanovic (NB 18.00hrs)
4. Zvonareva vs. Medina Garrigues (NB 20.30hrs)

Court 2 (from 14.00hrs)
1. Azarenka vs. Niculescu
2. Kvitova vs. Arvidsson

No respect for the #1.  They gave the primetime slot to AI. 

Heavy is the crown, JJ.  And the makeup.  Mostly the makeup.

YEAH!!! Crazy Eyez is BACK!

Aw.  I've missed you!

Crazy Eyez Fed had a fairly routine go against The Worm, winning in straight sets 63 76(6).

Ew.

That is hands down the most gross picture of A-Rod I have ever seen.  What is up with the buzz cut?  Dude looks like he'd take a pipe to your head in a dark alley. 

But apparently the shorn look works.  Andy beat Disco Tommy pretty easily, 63 64 in a little over an hour.  Looks like his serve is clicking.  He hit 13 aces and served at 71%.  Not bad, Andy.

Tomorrow's OOP:

Center Court
Simon vs Ginepri (11am)
Nalby vs. JMDP
Stan vs. FeLo
Rafa vs. Reeshard
Tsonga vs. Fed (8pm)
Nole vs. Dr. Ivo

Court 1
Tuxedo Mask vs. Muzzah (1:30pm)
A-Rod vs. LaMonf (3pm)

Baby E Keeps Perspective

Nice article on our resident Wee Elephant. 

"I just expect to enjoy every moment now, because it's been a quite frustrating two or three months for me," she said on Tuesday at the Zurich Open, where she is seeded two behind fellow Serb Jelena Jankovic.

"Now I just want to have fun out there and enjoy competing. I know I can still play well and even win tournaments. I just want to try to get the best I can out of the last weeks of this season and then finally have a good holiday and start preparing and practising hard again for next season."

"I was just a little bit flat after Paris and at Wimbledon I wasn't feeling 100 percent to compete at that high level," Ivanovic admitted. "I wasn't too much worried about it and felt I needed a holiday to relax a little bit, to re-charge my batteries again, but then I got injured.

"The problem was that no one knew what was actually wrong. I did so many tests and MRIs and no-one could pick up anything, and then after the Olympics they realised it was two cysts with water there which was causing inflammation and the inflammation couldn't come down at all.

Obviously that was frustrating because I felt like I wasted a month." With this year almost behind her Ivanovic is now trying to set goals for next, but an extensive Sony Ericsson WTA Tour reorganisation means she is not sure what to expect.

Although prize money will be increased by 40 per cent, the Tour is largely dictating where the players must compete. "We don't have much choice," said Ivanovic.

"It's already pretty much already decided for us what we have to play. They're trying to make an easier schedule for us but I believe it's going to be even tougher.

"There are a few parts in the season where it's going to be really hard, lots of tournaments in a row that you have to play. There are a lot of changes and we have to wait and see how it's going to go.

"I think it's good that tournaments will have guaranteed players and week after week have top players competing against each other. I think that's good for women's tennis. But on us individually it's tough to say what impact it's going to have on us.

"For example, there are going to have some new nine-day events, and if you play the week before I think it's going to be very hard. They're also talking about taking away byes at some events."

There comes a point where the players have to suck it up and do what's best for the sport.  Obviously they all feel like they should have some say in the matter, and they should, but come on.  If the playing field is level (meaning everyone has to play the same rigorous schedule) then what's there really to complain about?

This and other issues, like cute boys, makeup, and fashion, will surely be discussed at the pajama party that the top ladies will be throwing in Doha.  I would pay SO MUCH MONEY to be in the room when all that goes down.

At least she isn't getting distracted by her studies:

"I'm studying economics and when I have time off in November I want to do more exams. But honestly, the last couple of months I've been so focused on my tennis and trying to get better I didn't have time to study my books. Even if I had them with me I didn't want to see them."

Yeah, I felt the same way in college.  Except I wasn't injured.  And I wasn't focused on tennis.  I was focused on my couch.  Whatever, same thing.

If an "Upset" Isn't Really an Upset Is It an Upset?

 
Jo Willy kept his strong fall run going but it wasn't easy against Grannollers.  Granola Bar pushed our boy to three sets and Jo needed a tiebreaker to get the job done, 36 63 76(5).  Eek!  That was too close for comfort.
 
Nole and Crazy Train benefited from a couple of retirements, as Victor Hanescu gave Nole a scare before retiring with a leg injury in the third set, 67(8) 76(6) 31.  JMDP had an easier go against Niemenen, taking the first set 64 before Jarkko retired at 42 in the second.

And now for the "upsets" of the day.  I use quotes because really, they aren't THAT surprising.  It never surprises me when Kolya loses early.  Losing to Ginepri 46 64 64 was a bit unexpected, but so it goes.  As for Gonzo, I think he ran into the same problem Blah did yesterday.  He's got a big game and goes for his shots, but against a good counterpuncher like LaMonf, he gets impatient and goes for too much, hitting UFE after UFE, losing 63 64 .  Bye Bye Gonzo.

Also losing today, the ever slumping Daveed, who lost to fellow Spaniard FeLo in straight sets, 64 76(4).

Stan and PEHK are deadlocked in the third set right now.  A-Rod and Fed still to play.

Sucked To Be a WTA Fan Yesterday.

(FYI -- I am drunk.  Please excuse the lack of logic or reason with respect to the following post. -- Addendum:  I was, in fact, too drunk to hit the "post now" button last night.  But I'll publish this anyway.) 

Boo.  All the players who would have kept it interesting were doused today.  Players who lost today: Schnyder, Chakky, Szavay, Ski Boots, and Bracket Buster Na Li.   Winners today: A-Rad, Kvitova, Nuculescu, Mono, Tranny, and Garrigues.

Well at least A-Rad is still ticking.

Scores from today:
(5) Agnieszka Radwanska (POL) d. (Q) Vera Dushevina (RUS) 64 61
(Q) Petra Kvitova (CZE) d. (6) Patty Schnyder (SUI) 64 36 64
(Q) Monica Niculescu (ROU) d. (7) Anna Chakvetadze (RUS) 36 63 62
Marion Bartoli (FRA) d. Agnes Szavay (HUN) 64 60
Francesca Schiavone (ITA) d. Caroline Wozniacki (DEN) 76(3) 62
Anabel Medina Garrigues (ESP) d. (WC) Li Na (CHN) 62 64

OOP for tomorrow:
Centre Court (from 14.00hrs)
1. Petrova vs. Pennetta
2. A.Bondarenko vs. V.Williams (NB 16.30hrs)
3. Srebotnik vs. Bacsinszky (NB 18.00hrs)
4. Kirilenko vs. Schiavone (NB 20.30hrs)

Court 2 (from 13.00hrs)
1. Raymond/Stosur vs. Peng/Zheng
2. Arvidsson vs. Bammer (NB 15.00hrs)
3. Medina Garrigues/Ruano Pascual vs. Cirstea/Niculescu
4. Black/Huber vs. Hantuchova/Szavay (NB 19.00hrs)

Pic This: Where Can I Submit My Application for ATP Trainer?

While I Was Busy Drooling Over the New MacBooks...

Ernie Linguine was busy drooling over Rafa.  Ernie once again aquitted himself well against Rafa, but Rafa was able to take the third, winning 75 36 63.  Nice job, Ernie.  You're still one of those "aw crap, I gotta face that guy in the first round?" players.  Nothing but love for you!

In other Linguine news, Reeshard was able to come back and outlast The Sockless Wonder in three sets, 67(3) 64 63.  A nice win for Reeshie, but can I just go ahead and say that Mardy Fish looks like an old man on the court?  He doesn't move well, nothing other than his serve looks natural, he just swats at everything.  Blah.

Speaking of Blah, Blah Blah Blake (trying something new here) crashed out as I expected against the ever pesky Gilles Simon, 36 61 64.  Simon is just the type of player that drives the Blah Blahs and the Gonzos of the world crazy.  They like to go for their shots, Simon runs them all down, and then they try for too much out of frustration and impatience and they miss. 

Here are the rest of the day's results.  Quite a fun one!
[4] A Murray (GBR) d [LL] S Bolelli (ITA) 60 21 - ret. (shoulder)
M Cilic (CRO) d [13] F Verdasco (ESP) 62 63
G Monfils (FRA) d [WC] F Fognini (ITA) 62 64
[Q] M Granollers (ESP) d P Mathieu (FRA) 64 64
J Nieminen (FIN) d M Youzhny (RUS) 75 36 62
P Kohlschreiber (GER) d C Moya (ESP) 62 62
[Q] R Ginepri (USA) d M Llodra (FRA) 64 64
R Soderling (SWE) d [Q] F Serra (FRA) 63 64
[Q] V Hanescu (ROU) d D Tursunov (RUS) 46 62 63

"Ratatouille doesn't sound delicious. It sounds like "rat" and "patootie." Rat-patootie, which does not sound delicious."

This is an election year here in the Colonies, and what better way to whet your appetities for the November bloodbath/election than voting on important, landscape changing, historic issues.  Issue that are destined to shape the American social, economic, and cultural landscape and have a profound effect not just on our lives, but on the lives of our children and our children's children.  As Rutherford B. Hayes so wisely put it, "To vote is like the payment of a debt—a duty never to be neglected, if its performance is possible."

So, who looks more like Linguine, Ernie or Reesie?

PEHK Uber Alles!!!

It has been on my to do list for quite some time but I have never had the chance to take a tour through Phillip Kohlschreiber's web site.  It has been referred to at TennisWorld as the GOAT of player sites.  Well I have now had a chance to check out www.philippkohlschreiber.de/ (make sure your sound is ON)

And now I am tragically sad that I did not discovery this sooner. 

God I FLOVE the Germans!!!  They no sense of irony or self-awareness.  The whole thing is straight out of Sprockets/Alias/30 Rock. 

North Carolinaaaaaaaa

Like, they realize how lame that looks right?  Right?

Over at TennisWorld, a few of the Rafa fans like to call this pairing of "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Raffy" as "The Good Guys."  I don't buy into this moniker, simply because no dude who goes and breaks Flava Flav's heart can be on a team called The Good Guys.

But anyway, Chuck and Raffy won their doubles match in Madrid today, beating James Blake and The Sockless Wonder.  Isn't weird how I don't have a nickname for James Blake?  He's so....blah.  Nothing ever comes to mind.  He's just...James Blake.

Despite his loss in doubles, The Sockless Wonder did manage to win his first round match, beating Darcis 61 64.  In the match of the day, Gilly fought off four match points and beat The Zabka, 46 61 76(7).  Lucky for MaKiri the couples curse was not in effect today.

Disco Tommy also notched a win over Seppi and Simon Bolelli kept the hotness alive, beating Nico 76(4) 61.  I'm tempted to start calling Bolelli "Goth Bols" (a reference to the insistence in the Tennis High School thread that Simon would be one of the goth kids).  I'm going to have to mull that one over.

Oh, and Cilic, aka "Tuxedo Mask", beat wee Olly Rochus.

Old Man Schuettler and Big Berd are still to play.

OOP for Tuesday:

Center Court (11am)
PHM vs. Grannollers
Kohlschreiber vs. Moya (NB 12:30)
Verdasco vs. Cilic
Bolelli vs. Murray
Nadal vs. Gulbis (NB 8:00pm)
Lopez vs. Montanes

Court 1
Monfils vs. Fognini
Blake vs. Simon
Llodra vs. Ginepri
Tursonov vs. Hanescu
Fish vs. Gasquet

Court 2
Youzhny vs. Niemenen
Serra vs. Soderling

Matches of the day: Goth Bols vs. Muzzah, Rafa vs. Ernie, Blake vs. Gilly, The Sockless Wonder vs. Reeshard.  My money is on Muzzah, Rafa, Gilly, Reeshie.

MaKiri's Revenge

That pic is just making me laugh and laugh and laugh.

Hottie Bowl 08 was another tight one (hah!) but in the end (hah!) MaKiri won 75 62, sending SuperGirl home to think about the year that might have been (hah...no wait, that didn't work).

In other news, Vika slammed the door on Momo's not-so-great season, 62 61, and in the battle of players who seem like they should be better than they actually are, Alona Bonderenko overcame The Cone in three sets, 16 63 76(6).

After the standard set by today's hotness, tomorrow's OOP is looking decidedly "not hot."  But I'm sure the quality of tennis will be high.  Maybe.  Eh, except for the Dushevina and Woz matches, probably not.

Centre Court (from 14.00hrs)
1. Bartoli vs. Szavay
2. Niculescu vs. Chakvetadze (NB 15.15hrs)
3. Schnyder vs. Kvitova (NB 18.00hrs)
4. Dushevina vs. A.Radwanska (NB 20.30hrs)

Court 2 (from 13.00hrs)
1. Wozniacki vs. Schiavone
2. Medina Garrigues vs. Li (NB 18.30hrs)

Air Quotes: Not So Ernests

“The best place to play against (Nadal) is at Roland Garros.  That’s a joke, of course.”

-- Ernests Gulbis, making funny in anticipation of his second round match against Rafa in Madrid.

Pic This: Zurich Kids Mock Baby Elephant, Show Off Healthy Thumbs

Form an Orderly Queue, Gentlemen.

Tomorrow's OOP for Zurich:

Centre Court (from 12.00hrs)
1. Groenefeld vs. Kvitova (Singles Q Final)
2. A.Bondarenko vs. Cornet (NB 14.00hrs)
3. Hantuchova vs. Kirilenko (NB 18.00hrs)
4. Mauresmo vs. Azarenka

Court 2 (from 12.00hrs)
1. Sugiyama vs. Dushevina (Singles Q Final)
2. Arvidsson vs. Benesova (Singles Q Final)
3. Niculescu vs. K.Bondarenko (Singles Q Final)

Here's a preview for the boys:

It's amazing to look back and see the type of shotmaking Dani is capable of.

The Boys Are Back In Town

I really do love Masters tournaments.  Almost every match is a match you want to see and the top seeds are tested immediately.  There's no playing yourself into a Masters tournament.

That being said, if there was ever a rigged draw, this was it.  Holy cow, Madrid hates Fed.  Much like JJ in Zurich, Fed gets almost all the streaking, in form players.

Rafa's Quarter: Rafa will start out with the ever dangerous but ever streaky Ernie Gulby.  Then he could have Reeshard, who hasn't been playing all that great as of late.  The bottom half of his draw shouldn't give him too much worry either, as Daveeed, Stan, Carlos, and FeLo shouldn't be too tough.  All this is to say, I pick the #1 to come out of this quarter.

Nole's Quarter: If Nole doesn't make it out of this quarter he is really going to need to take some time and regroup because he will have no excuse.  Kolya is in the bottom of his quarter, but other than him, there isn't anyone else who should challenge him.  Dr. Ivo, Blake, The Evil One, and Gilly shouldn't be in any form to stop him.

Muzzah's Quarter: Tricky but doable as most of the dangerous players will have to duke it out in the top half (A-Rod, Robredo, Monfils, and Gonzo).  Tabasco and Cilic are the only players that could give him any trouble before the quarters.  That being said, Andy hasn't played any tennis since his run to the USO finals, but we all know he's been hitting the gym and working hard.  Whoever gets out of that top half (probably A-Rod) could cause him problems, but I think he'll still get through.

Fed's Quarter:  Oof.  Considering how tired Fed keeps saying he is, I just don't see him getting out of this quarter.  He's got a first round match with Radek, a potential second rounder with Jo, and then possibly The Elf, Fat Dave, or Big Berd in the quarters.  That's a crew of in-form players who have been playing since the USO and have been playing very very well.  I want to see another Fed/Muzzah rematch, but I'll be surprised if that happens.

Semis: Rafa vs. Nole; Muzzah vs. Crazy Train
Finals: Nole vs. Muzzah
Winner: Muzzah

So let's get it started.  Here's the OOP for Monday:
Center Court (11 AM)
Darcis vs. Fish
Bolleli vs. Almagro
Simon vs. Andreev
Seppi vs. Robredo (NB 8pm)
Schuettler vs. Berdych

Court 1 (11AM)
Rochus vs. Cilic (NB 5pm)

The Boy Cleans Up Well, No?

The Kid looked dayum good while picking up his trophy for finishing #1 in the Race in Madrid.

C Note likee.

Zurich Chooses Sides in the Serbian War.

Zurich Draw here.

JJ and Ana come into the tournament as the #1 and #2 seeds, respectively, with Venus and Bepa at #3 and #4.  While usually being the #1 seed is supposed to mean you have the easier draw, Zurich is laying the hammer down on our Glitter Train.  She's got a way tougher road.

JJ' is in the "Hot Streak" half, as most of the players in her half have had pretty good results as of late.  Her first match will be against the winner of Nads and Flava Flav.  Then she could play either Kata or Agi.  In the quarters she could face Bepa, Momo, Vika, Chakky, or Na Li.  I'm not betting against her to pick up yet another title here, but it sure won't be easy for the already tired Drama Queen.

In contrast, Ana's in the "Hottie" half, which is self-explanatory.  Of course, everyone is going to be searching for a live stream of MaKiri vs. SuperGirl's first round match, which will be a rematch of their tense affair at the Australian Open where SuperGirl barely got through.  But back to business.

If there was a tournament for AI to make a run to the finals after her slump, this is the one.  First, she's lined up to play a number of players that she's had tremendous success against, so mentally she should be confident.  Second, she's got a fairly easy draw.   AI's toughest go will be her first match against either Mono or Agnez.  She'll then probably face Peppermint Patty, who she owns (but who has been playing well lately), and then possibly Venus, Ski Boots, Cornet, or one of the aforementioned hotties. 

If she gets through, and with this draw I do think she can, that'll set up an All Serbian final.  And wouldn't it be so poetic if Ana yanked herself out her slump by beating JJ and reminding us all that no matter how she's playing or where her mind is, she can Always.  Beat.  JJ.  Seriously, if this were to happen I think even JJ would have to admit that Ana owns her.

Yeah, that's probably not going to happen.  I put my money on JJ to get through and Ana to get no further than the semis.  Of course, I may have to revise my prediction depending on what outfit Ana shows up in.

In bummer news, I'm sad to report that AI will not be playing doubles this week.  She really needs to team up with SuperGirl.  Then they could play MaKiri and Flava Flav.  And then the internet would break.  It would be awesome.

Trophy Hoister Sunday: JJ, Kunitsyn, Nalby, Petzschner

Leave it to JJ and Fat Dave to save what otherwise would have been a really nutty Sunday.

As I said yesterday, there was no way that Bepa was going to get between The Glitter Train and her third straight trophy.  I know she beat Dinara but after I watched that match last night, it was clear that Bepa won because Dinara was making UFE after UFE.  Well, the one person you can generally count on not to give you UFEs is JJ.  Especially nowadays where, if the USO final taught us anything, you have to beat JJ.  She won't give you a darn thing. 

So all credit to The Glitter Train, who is even closer now to locking up the year end #1 ranking and has made a solid case in the past month and a half that she indeed "deserves" that #1 ranking.  At least the haters will have to shut up for a little while.

Incidentally, you remember that incident at the French Open semifinal where Carillo & Co. made a big deal about some dude in the stands who looked like Nole's dad rooting fervently for JJ?  I've always maintained that he wasn't Nole's dad and the whole controversy was lame.  Well, the guy was at the Kremlin Cup, and as you can see, it ain't Srdjan (and no, that's not her Dad).

Oh, Marat.  It was a hard fought match, for sure, but in the end, Igor Kunitsyn refused to be distracted by the hotness, winning 76(6) 67(4) 63, for his first tournament win.  The win even shocked Igor:

"I was hoping to win a couple of games and that's it," Kunitsyn said. "I still don't know how I was able to outplay Marat, but I guess it happens. I still don't understand how I won."

So in what could have been an amazing homecoming, celebrating the resurgence of the Safin family as a tennis powerhouse, ended in a bit of a wimper in front of the home crowd. 

Over in Stockholm, Nalby took home the Stockholm title, holding off the Evil One, 62 57 63.  This has got to give him some confidence going into Madrid, where he will try to defend his title.  If Nalby gets hot the next month could be interesting.  Doubt it though.  Nice win for the Headband though.

And let's not forget the awesome run by German qualifier Phillip Petzschner (seriously, there are only two vowels in that name), who upset LaMonf in Vienna, 64 64, for his first title.  Petzschner entered the tournament ranked 125.  He'll enter the top 100 on Monday. 

On to Madrid and Zurich!

Robin Soderling Is A Racist, Pass It On.

How else can you explain the absolute ass-kicking he handed to Not-So-Special Kei yesterday, 61 60 in 44 minutes. 

That's just a hate crime.  I'm a lawyer, I know these things. 

Besides, is that not the face of EVIL?  Like EEE-VIL. Like the Devil.  EEEEEEE-VIL.

Whatever.  The Evil One (new nickname!) takes on Fat Dave today in the final of Stockholm. 

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Why?  Why would you do that?  Do you kick puppies, too?

There is no joy in Mudville.

Bepa beat our hero Dinara in straight sets 62 76(5) to reach her first Kremlin Cup final.  I'm so sad.  I mean, I like Bepa, I feel for our headcasey little Casper, and this is a great result for what has been, overall, a fantastic year for her.  But there's no way she has the skills, firepower, or wherewithall to beat JJ.

Who won in three sets with a scoreline that can only occur in a match between the Drama Queen and the Demented one.  Check it out: 06 61 60.

What.  The.  Fudge. 

I guess I can't completely write off Casper.  She did push JJ to the brink last week with two very close hotly contested tiebreak sets.  But it'll be a pretty big task to stop the Glitter Train.  She is in the zone.  Well, as in the zone as one can be when you're constantly being pushed to three sets. 

Mario Needs to Power Up.

I don't think I can keep referring to Mario Ancic as Super Mario anymore.  It's just mean.

Larusso had to withdraw from his quarterfinal match today due to acute bronchitis.  There is fragile, and then there's Mario.  Hope he gets better. 

The Safins Rule Moscow.

They're so cute!

Brother Marat and Sister Safina continued their march in Moscow, both beating compatriots along the way.  Marat needed three sets to dispatch defending champion Kolya, 76(5) 46 64, and Dinara continued her four match winning streak against Sveta, 64 75.  Marat will face Zverev and Dinara will play Bepa.

With the win, Dinara assures herself the #2 spot, which she will take over from Serena on Monday.  The other semifinal will see JJ vs. Lena.  Wouldn't it be just like JJ to walk away with this title while being the only non-Russian in the semis?  The girl sure does love a storyline.  Maybe we'll get pics of her doing vodka shots and that will spawn a random thread about ATP/WTA frat parties.

As for the rest of the boys, Marat is the clear favorite as all the remaining seeds are out.  The Magician will magically appear in the semis, benefiting from PHM's retirement.

(1) Jelena Jankovic (SRB) d. Flavia Pennetta (ITA) 76(6) 63
(3) Elena Dementieva (RUS) d. Nadia Petrova (RUS) 64 46 76(6)
(7) Vera Zvonareva (RUS) d. Dominika Cibulkova (SVK) 75 64
F Santoro (FRA) d [4] P Mathieu (FRA) 63 20 ret. (illness)
M Zverev (GER) d V Troicki (SRB) 64 36 75 - Saved 2 M.P.
I Kunitsyn (RUS) d J Chardy (FRA) 64 62

Fed to Play Madrid.

Look like been confirmed by the tournament director that The Mighty Fed will indeed hop off his NetJet this weekend and bestow upon the humble Madridians the beauty of his game.

Bring. It. On.

Russian Roulette

Got a bagel for that finger?  CrazySexyCool keeps it interesting, that's for sure.  He beat Julian Benneteau 64 06 62.  What happened there, dude?  Fall asleep for 20 minutes?  Sheesh.

Other scores:
[1] N Davydenko (RUS) d G Garcia-Lopez (ESP) 61 61
[4] P Mathieu (FRA) d D Sela (ISR) 67(3) 75 76(0)
[7] M Safin (RUS) d J Benneteau (FRA) 64 06 62
V Troicki (SRB) d [8] J Tipsarevic (SRB) 63 64
M Zverev (GER) d T Gabashvili (RUS) 62 26 61
I Kunitsyn (RUS) d R Ginepri (USA) 64 63

As for the ladies, it was a good day to be a headcase.  Casper took a whippin' stick to SuperGirl, beating her 61 60 in 51 minutes.  Though that's what happens when you're hitting shots like this: 

Does anyone else find it interesting that the Russians play so darn well at the Kremlin Cup?  I would think that it would be too much pressure for these headcasey players to take, but they absolutely dominate it.  It's a peculiar phenomenon.

As for the rest of the ladies, JJ had a nervy one but won in three sets, Ski Boots had to retire in the second set to Nads, 6-4, 3-2, due to an upper respiratory illness, and Flava Flav continued her march to the quarterfinals.

OOP for Friday:

Centre Court (from 11.00hrs)
1. Dementieva vs. Petrova
2. ATP: Zverev vs. Troicki (NB 13.00hrs)
3. Jankovic vs. Pennetta (NB 15.00hrs)
4. Kuznetsova vs. Safina (NB 16.30hrs)
5. ATP: Davydenko vs. Safin (NB 18.00hrs)
6. ATP: Kunitsyn vs. Chardy

Court 1 (from 13.00hrs)
1. Zvonareva vs. Cibulkova
2. ATP: Santoro vs. Mathieu

Three Big All-Russian matches tomorrow: Lena/Nads, Kuz/Dinara, Kolya/Marat.  Poor Bepa.  You get relegated to Court 1 along with two Frenchies.  Indeed, you are invisible.

Tennis High School Musical

 

It all started so harmlessly with an awesome picture of JJ holding a Mass of beer.  And it (d)evolved into an awesome discussion of the ATP/WTA as highschool.  Seriously, that thread rules so hard.  Because the reality is that most of these tennis players never went to high school and had normal teenage socialization.  You know what I'm talking about, boys starting to notice you and your boobies, dudes having to hide their boners in class, getting wedgied, sitting on the top of the cafeteria tables like a douche, rocking letterman jackets, making out against lockers, getting picked on until you just wanted to hide in the bathroom to eat your lunch.  You know, the awesome memories!

So feel free to continue the discussion in the comments section to this post.  Here are some choice comments to make you giggle coke out of your nose and get you up to speed:

"It's times like this that I wish being #1 was more like being Class President in high school. The homecoming dance would be so awesome if JJ was in charge. I mean, if the cops didn't bust it up before it started." --Carrie

"It's hilarious to imagine the WTA has highschool. JJ as Class President, Maria as the bitchy captain of the volleyball team, Ana as the nice girl next door that all the hot guys wanted to bang, and Serena as the diva that ran the joint." -- C Note

"I bet JJ did that horrible beer pour on purpose.  She's the type who pretends she can't do anything correctly, so she can giggle and flirt while asking nearby handsome boys for help.  Remember how ridiculously inept she was trying to play the drum in China? All the while letting her silk robe *accidentally* slip off her shoulder so Ferru could get a peek...It's sooooooo high school.:)" -- vetmama

"I'm trying to figure out where Dinara fits in. Tag-along little sister of the hot football captain, with a desperate crush on her math tutor?" -- Carrie

"Nole is class clown, natch.  I mean, come on, he's totes Screech.  Rafa... Rafa... Rafa's gonna have to be the star of some team that doesn't get as much attention as football/basketball. Soccer is pretty natural, I guess. And all the girls have mad crushes on him but he's completely oblivious." -- Carrie

"Rafa/Fez is priceless, no?" -- Healerheeler

"Think of the PTA!: Richard Williams, Can't remember his first name but, Maria Sharapova's dad. Snezana Jankovic, The Djokovics', Uncle Toni." -- Moonshine

"Geez...I gotta get in on this:) Rafa and Roger both run for student council president...Rafa wins (of course), leaving Roger to do all the real work although Rafa still gets front and center for the yearbook picture. Nerdy girl Ana could be secretary/treasurer, no?" -- rafadoc

"I could easily see Johnny Mac as the friendly teacher. You know, the old "rebel" who comes back to his old school and tries to still be hip with the kids, wearing the same clothes, trying to talk the language, etc." -- antarctica

"Do we have a spot for Tipsy? He has got to be a bad boy that all the girls secretly want to "be with"..you know the one...not a jock or the one your mom would pick...am I revealing too much of my personality here?" -- rafadoc

"I too see Andy as a total geek. Sitting in the library with his laptop coding and watching YouTube videos, pissed off at the world and at all his classmates at all times. Very unfriendly and prickly character.  I think class couple would have to be Fed and Mirka.  Kuzzy is that weird floater girl. Smart but not super smart. Plays sports, but is not a start. But is friends with every clique and circle."-- C Note

"Have we done Elf yet? Because I see him as the new kid/freshman on the basketball team who's really shy but actually quite smart even though nobody would expect it of him.  We need more goth kids.  Bolelli, maybe?  I bet he would rock the eyeliner." -- Jenni

"I don't think Radek can actually be a student. I think he has to be someone's creepy cousin who volunteered to chaperon the Spring Fling dance and ended up making out with Nikki V. under the bleachers." -- Carrie

"I'm seeing Nadia/Dinara/Sveta as a mini-clique. It's good for Nadia and Sveta to have each other to vent to because they are going to have to be very tolerant of Dinara constantly swooning/crying over Zeljko.  I also think maybe Flavia can be in the Ana clique.  I'm not sure about Nicole and JJ, though. I mean, I don't think JJ would cotton to someone falling out of the scene completely to hang out with her loser boyfriend. There are dances and parties to plan, Model UN conference to prepare for, car wash fundraisers to organize... and it all has to happen so she can pad her college applications! So there's no room for slackers." -- Carrie

"Verdasco and Feli have to be included somewhere in this scenario.  studly friends of soccer star ( Rafa ). they would be the guys who follow the big sports star around. the ones who send out texts saying
'Rafa for homecoming king , spread the word'" -- beth

"'Poor Marion. She's eating by herself alone in the cafeteria.'  That's what happens when you've been home-schooled for so many years." -- Grant

"Serena and JJ are tangentially friendly acquaintances, because both will admit that the other throws a bitchin' party. But as you say they're too competitive socially and too close in class rank to really be friends. In general, Serena doesn't need a clique because everyone's too scared not to be nice to her anyway. Except maybe Cornetto, but Serena's going to graduate before she's a problem.  The major plot point for Ana's clique is going to be wanting to get revenge on Flavia's hot but crass ex, but being too nice to actually follow through." -- Carrie

""Roger as the I know everything and the squeaky clean guy who puts up his hand at every question in class." He's Brandon Walsh! Fitting.  Serena totally hangs out with the older crew that's graduated and the boys to stay out of the drama. She doesn't need to have an Mean Girls army because she totally runs that place anyway. The real throwdowns are between JJ's and Masha's crews of course." -- CMS

"I'm sure Bartoli also had the braces and backbrace to boot." -- coookies

"Gulbis parking his BMW and never repeating his Abercrombie and Fitch clothes. Karlovic playing basketball and practicing cross country. Novak and Roddick would compete for the class clown title.
Clement being the substitute teacher who everybody thinks is gay but no one feels like asking. though i think you guys are making Ana a bit too of a pushover. yeah she's nice and sweet to everyone around her, but you guys are exaggerating a bit, she's not THAT naive you know lol. she would be the girl that every teacher likes. Safin would be the guy that makes fun of everybody and is always late to class." -- parker

"Mahut HAS to be the front man (guitarist/vocalist) of the thrashy garage band. Kinda nerdy-edgy, skinny jeans, torn T-shirts and, of course, spikey hair.  Youzhny is the crazy bass player. He's a little rhythmically challenged but when he loses the beat he just starts hitting his head on the neck of his bass to keep anyone from noticing. Lots of blood.  Stan Wawrinka is the drummer, the strong quiet guy that keeps a steady beat. He later goes on to make millions with an internet startup company, and all the girls wish they had been interested in him in school.  Andreev is the sweet guy with a steady girlfriend, and they walk around holding hands. He is fairly smart, well-rounded, wears glasses but looks good in them, and lots of the girls have a crush on him because he's nice and good-looking in a nonthreatening way.  Davydenko is part of the "unseen" group that nobody remembers at the 10-year reunion. Probably spends his time outside of class working on yearbook. He's best friends with Karlovic, who tries his best to remain "unseen" even though he's as tall as a tree. The only time people really notice the two of them is when they walk around together, because the combination is so visually weird.  Nalby is the football player that parties so much he's always at risk for getting thrown off the team, but he's so fun that everyone likes him.  Gasquet is the troubled kid who doesn't say much, sits in the back of class and barely passes because he never turns in his homework and draws doodlings on his tests. Will he find solutions to the problems in his homelife, or will he turn to hard drugs?  Tursunov is the jock who's main goal in life is to act cool, DJ all the happening parties, and get into as many girls' pants as possible. End of story.  And, as someone mentioned above, Simone Bolelli has to be a goth." -- vetmama

"Lindsay Davenport can be the slightly depresses school counsellor." -- neilintoronto

"I keep imagining Murray in gem class. While Tursunov, Rafa, Andreev...etc are getting in the shower, he is just standing right there like a wet hamster looking at their six-pack and so scared to take off his clothes..meanwhile, Nalby has no problem showing his gut and while he is eating his cupcake he gives Murray some advice on how to feel comfortable with his body....Murray finally takes his clothes off and gets in the shower and Dmitry starts kicking his ass while Marat is pointing and laughing." -- Nancy

"I would have Justine now that she is retired as the gym mistress who insists on perfection and no talking in her class." -- Aussie Angel

"How cute/awkward would the freshman school dance be. The boys, Kei, JMDP, Giles, Marin on one side and the girls, Ski Boots, the Cone, Domi, Szavay, at the other end of the gym, too nervous to budge. And sooner or later a drunken Marat and his buddies crash the joint, much to the dismay of the chaporones, gym mistress Justine and guidance councelor Davenport." -- coookies

"You know how high school cheer squads always seem to have that one token guy? Yeah, totally PEHK. He would work that white polyester and megaphone like nobody's business, all the while subtly copping feels left and right." -- Jenni

"Seppi will be the guy who doesn't get any but determined to lose his virginity on prom night( he looks so stiff on court and the look on his face always says "My balls gonna blow up if I don't get laid soon" but maybe I'm the only one getting this vibe from him).  Starace will be the bad ass, the kid with infamous reputation, selling drugs to other kids.  Tipsy is the snobby guy thinking he is too good for this world and looking at the other boys, thinking to himself "I'm too smart for this shit, y'all are idiots, screw the world" -- Nancy

"I think Agi would fit into Masha's crew as well. The thing with the big 3: Serena, JJ and Masha is that I don't think they would have friends, but frenemies instead. Although I think JJ can be a geniune good friend, I just don't think she has the time between her extracurricular activities and constant flirting.  I keep imagining Laura Robson as Samantha from Sixteen Candles, waiting for Jake Ryan(Marat Safin) to show up in his convertible and whisk her away." -- cookies

"Lleyton Hewitt would SO be the preppy douchebag with the pop-up collared shirt and sweater tied around his neck. He'd be from the rival private school, that dated the nice girl, Kim C and broke her heart, so now they all hate him more." -- juicypear

 

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Federer.

Tom Perrotta's take on Fed's vacation.  It all makes sense. 

But from a pure tennis fan's perspective, it sucks donkey balls.

Pic This: Boys and Their Balls.

"Deregulation" Is Not a Word You Want Attached To Your Candidacy.

Joel Drucker's take on McEnroe Sr.'s potential move to become the ATP's new CEO.  I wrote about this a little bit yesterday and while I applauded Big Mac's comments about the players' being the engine that drives the tour, there were a few comments that I didn't quote in my post that freaked me out a bit, namely the implication that he wants the players to run the tour and for there to be no rules regarding what tourneys they play:

A letter McEnroe has sent to the ATP spells out the crux of his vision, right down to the selected deployment of capital letters lest his point go misunderstood: "The rules for participation on the Tour are an abomination. My own view is that NO player should be required to play in ANY TOURNAMENT if he doesn't wish so to do. Also, as long as a player's ranking entitles him to entry, he should be able to enter any tournament without requiring a minimum of tournaments each year. This is a position I have held for over thirty years."

Yeah, that ain't gonna work.  As per usual, I totally agree with Cliffy Drysdale's comments:

"Back in the '80s it was a free-for-all, with variations in prize money, inconsistent depth in player fields, exhibitions cutting into the tour. The days of playing wherever and whenever were a disaster."

It's all about balance, and while extreme positions may get you attention and ultimately elected, they don't work in practical application.