Forty Deuce

Pic This: Someone Get Goran A Sammich!

I like my Goran fiery and on the edge.  And no, a fake Ed Hardy hoodie does not on the edge make. 

But good Lord, Beef Paddy still looks good. 

Meh, who am I kidding.  I'd still have awesomely protected bonefests with either.  Or both. 

Condoms. Wear Them.

Today is World AIDS Day, which began over 20 years ago to help raise awareness of AIDS and AIDS prevention.  AIDS is real, people, and it can affect you and those around you in real, tragic ways.  I used to do be an AIDS educator and its always disappointing to hear people still say that it's a "gay" thing, or a "poor" thing that they don't have to worry about. 

All I can say, in my own C-Note way, is that's bullshit and anyone who thinks that is a fucking moron.  Gay, straight, male, female, black, white, Asian, it affects us all. 

So be safe, get tested, and help fight the prejudice and ignorance surrounding AIDS. 

"Pack A Day" JJ Is Her Name

Gotta love JJ's answer.

UPDATED: Dirty South

Midnight Train To Georgia - 30 ROCK - watch more funny videos

The ATP Indianapolis tournament is relocating to Hotlanta next year. Too bad. There had been speculation that the tournament might be moving to Chicago, which would have been pretty nifty. Either way, enjoy the heat, ATPers!

UPDATED: Or, you know...not:

 

UPDATED AGAIN: Also, Kitzbuehl is moving to Nice.

Cash, Check, or Charge?

Hey, remember that time when Serena yelled at a line judge?  Yeah, me neither.

But whatever she did, swift action has been taken by the ITF, which announced yesterday that they were putting her on 2-year probation.  What the hell does it mean to be on probation?  Basically, if she commits another major offense in the next two years then she'll be suspended (yeah right) and fined a minimum of $175,000.  Alternatively, if she stays out of trouble, then the fine is only $82,500.

So to wrap it up, no suspension, no million dollar fine, no forfeit of her USO prize money ($350,000), no...anything, really.  Which is pretty much what we all figured would happen.

Air Quotes: 1-Up

''He's very fast. He plays like PlayStation.''

--Juan Martin del Potro, on Kolya The Hedgehog

Pic This: New Balls, Please

Now we know what Gauloises looks like!

Whatever.

 

#1.  On my shit list.

WTF? Kolya The Fuck.

And then, there was Kolya.

 

I could not be happier about this result.  I mean, seriously, what can you say about Kolya's performance at the World Tour Finals (see, that's me trying to be professional).  He only beat all of the 2009 Slam winners (Fed, Rafa, Elf), as well as RG09 Finalist and hot hand (Sodz).  No one can find anything to criticize in this result.  Tough draw, tough opponents, tough matches...

Tough Kolya.

He'll end the year at #6, bumping A-Rod down to #7. 

 

Too bad for Elf, but he just run out of gas.  A win would have gained him the #4 rank from Muzz.  

And with that, the ATP season ends.  Nole, Rafa, and Fer limped, Muzz flopped, Sod surged, and Fed secured his top ranking.

Thoughts on the WTF? 

Pic This: Fall In To The Gap...Of JJ's MIND.

I kinda want off-season JJ all the time.  This needs to be your job, honey.

 

Oh, Mladjan.  You need a new facial expression.  Cutie, though.

Pic This: The More Things Change, The More JJ Stays The Same

JJ was in Belgrade promoting her Mona line again. 

And it's pretty much as JJ-ey as JJ can ever JJ.

Get it?  She's a star!

 

Come to think about it, JJ is Sydney Bristow.  But like...without the whole "I'm dressing like this because it's my job/look at me I'm being ironic/tongue in cheek!" excuse.

Dude, ATP, Hire A Stat Guy

WTF, WTF?

Gauloises at New Balls, Please go to watch the Elf/Fed match from a corporate box at O2.  And her writeup is pretty damn awesome.  So for all your Elf/Fed "WTF was that???" needs, read her post.

The Worst Tennis Player That Ever Lived

I mean, really, people.

So Rafa goes 0-3 at the WTF, losing to Sod, Kolya, and Nole.  Of course all the piling on has already begun.  I won't bother rehashing all the speculation surrounding Rafa.  I understand the fun in playing the speculation game.  Hell, I do it all the time.  But there comes a point when you're not speculating or predicting based on fact, but just throwing out outlandish theories in an attempt to be "the first mover".  You want to be the guy that comes up with some theory that eventually proves true so that you get to be the guy who says, in a year, "HAH!  See?  I was right!  I KNOW TENNIS!!!  KING OF THE LAB!!!"

It's also easy to heap criticism when you're not a fan.  If you're an anti-Rafa KAD, then sure, this is a pretty glorious time for you.  You get to heap all the revenge on him for all the Chicken Little heaping that Fed endured last season.  I was looking through my high school yearbook a few weeks ago and had to laugh at one of my senior quotes: "When your opponent is drowning, throw the asshole an anvil."  All that is to say, I get it.  Hell, I did to Fed last year. 

So this note goes out to the Rafa fans, of which I count myself one of, though I don't think I'm as "big" of a fan as a lot of people.  You guys need to CALM DOWN.  I have no doubt that many Rafa Fans have engaged in their own amount of critique, speculation, doom and gloom, not because they don't like Rafa, but because of self-preservation.  You lower expectations in order to protect yourself from what may (or may not) happen.  All fandoms do this.  I'm an AnaKAD.  You think I haven't engaged in self-preservational behavior for the past year?  If I didn't I'd probably be in a K-hole right now (probably crying on Curtis' shoulder). 

What has happened to Rafa isn't unprecedented.  He always falls off the ledge at the end of the season.  Let's not forget, last season he was so hurt he couldn't play the Davis Cup final in Argentina.  This season has been even more troublesome because of serious injuries that prevented him from defending his Wimbledon title.  But he always bounces back.  Last fall there were just as many articles about Rafa's broken down body and the impact of his style of play over the long haul.  What happened?

This.  This happened. 

He came to Australia with new aggressive hard court game that saw him fight through Fer and Fed in two epic matches.  And let's not forget about Fed.  Think about his year from May 08 to May 09.  But he healed up, sorted out his head and his personal life, and now he's King of the World.   History is on Rafa's side.  He's is an amazingly talented player who is only 23.  23!!!  

Things change in this sport.  And great champions.  Find a way.  Just ask this guy:

So cut the guy some slack, media, enemies, and fans.  No more doom and gloom.  Just close the book on this year (a year that he dominated for 5 months) and look forward to next year.  Cuz it's gonna be FUN.

Kick a Ginge

It was indeed Kick and Ginger day in London and Fed was happy to oblige. 

 

After playing a pretty crap first set, (no aces, 5 winners, 13 UFEs), Fed raised his level and started attacking Muzz's second serve and, really, anything short.  The difference was that he was actually making the shots, whereas in the first set he was spraying them everywhere.  After taking the second set 63, he blew Muzz of the court 61. The win locks up the year end #1 rank.

Tough one for Muzz.  He can still make the semis with a win over Fer and get another crack at Fed if he makes the final.  As for Fed, oddly, he's still on the bubble to qualify.  If Elf beats him in 2 and Muzz beats Fer in 2, Fed's out because of the sets won/lost differential.  That makes Thursday mildly interesting.

Pic This: Mr. Hyde and...Mr. Hyde.

 

Don't worry, folks.  Dina's still alive.

 

Oh, geez.

(Pics from 200 Proof)

Pic This: Remember Her?

Kim and Jada pose for You! Magazine.

 

She looks great.

Adidas 2010: Now With 100% More Sex Hair.

Ana unveils her Winter/Spring Adilibria kit. I'm loving the yellow.

I Wonder If They Listen To Their Own Music To Pump Up. Probably.

 

Get some Kleenex because there be some upsets over on the dubs side.  Mirnyi and Ram bounced the #2 seeded BryBros in straights, 64 64, and the #3 team of Dlouhy/Paes fell in straights as well.  

 

It really really really really *really* bothers me that they're wearing Marat's kit. 

WTF?!?: Tuesday OOP

 

Fed vs. Muzz.  This will either be a Fed blowout or a tight three set win for Muzzard. 

I'm leaning towards the former.

Day Session 12.30 pm GMT (7.30 am ET)
Bhuapthi/Knowles vs. Fyrstenberg/Matkowski
Del Potro vs. Verdasco

Night Session 7 pm GMT (2 pm ET)
Nestor/Zimonjic vs. Cermak/Mertinak
Federer vs. Murray

Aw, That Was Fun.

Well that was an up and down match, but thoroughly enjoyable.  It was a shame one of them had to lose.

The first set was all Kolya, as he was dictating play and Nole looked a bit rusty.

In the second set, Nole raised his level and Kolya dropped his. 

 

And the last set was pure fun.  Nole broke ahead with the early break before Kolya played a GREAT game to break back to 5-5.  But from there Kolya would flinch and drop the next two games.

But it all doesn't matter.  Because this happened:

 

 

I can't wait for the day when the guys realize that the truest, purest form of sportsmanship is exchanging shorts. 

Evil Strikes Again

64 64. 

That sucked.

  

Well-played match by The Evil One.  Rafa was discombobulated and definitely failed to keep colm through the match.  It's a tough loss for Rafa for a lot of reasons but I just can't get over his refusal to challenge that line call on game point at 4-5 in the first set.  Serving at 40-30, Rafa hit an ace that was called a fault.  He thought about challenging but didn't.  Replays showed the ball was in, which would have given him the hold at 5-5.  Instead, the game went to deuce and Sod won the next two points to take the set.  I'm definitely not saying Rafa would have won, but boy that hold would have made a huge difference.

Afterwards, Rafa was, as always, frank about his performance:

"I didn't play really bad. But in the important moments, I didn't have this calm, this necessary calm, to win these matches against the best players of the world."

"If you want to still talk about me (being) No. 1, I can, but I think is not the right moment. My level right now I think is not to be No. 1."

So, you know, nice win, Sod.  You're still a piece of shit. 

WTF?!?: Monday OOP

Day Session 12.30 pm GMT (7.30 am ET)

Bryan/Bryan vs Mirnyi/Ram

Nadal vs. Soderling

Night Session 7 pm GMT (2 pm ET) 

Dlouhy/Paes vs. Kubot/Marach

Djokovic vs. Davydenko

Little Blue Pills

Tennis Erectile Dysfunction, aka T.E.D: A common men's health problem characterized by the consistent inability to sustain an erection sufficient for sexual intercourse or the inability to achieve ejaculation, or both, but like, in a tennis way. Impotence can vary. It can involve a total inability to achieve an erection or ejaculation, an inconsistent ability to do so, or a tendency to sustain only very brief erections, but like, in a tennis way. Tennis Erectile dysfunction is also called impotence.  But like, in a tennis way.

 

Poor Fer.  He shows not just flashes of brilliance, but good sustained brilliance.  But it seems like even in those cases where he's brilliant for 99% of the match, there will always be *that* double fault.  He wasn't brilliant for 99% today.  But he played well-enough to win, I thought.  But after dropping the second set 5-7, Fer would get 'sticked by this guy:

 

I'm bummed for Fernando.  He had a really good shot of *finally* getting that big scalp that he needed to really legitimate his year.  Think about how many epic amazing, tight matches he's had against the top guys this year.  But other than his win over Muzz at AO, he's always flinched at the end.  You need to get something for that T.E.D., Fer.  It's getting embarrassing for everyone involved.

As for Fed, he's almost guaranteed that he'll end the year at #1.  As I understand it, Fed would have to lose every match from here on out and Rafa would have to run the table and win to get the #1 ranking.  

My feelings can be expressed by both Mirka and Mama Fed:

 

Yup.

And We're Off.

 

Well the hometown boy (not really, I mean, he's Scottish) didn't fuck up on the first day.  So there's that.

The match went pretty much as expected.  Andy was able to control the points early before Elfie got his forehand grooving.  They would split the first two sets and then Andy simply outlasted Elf, taking it 63 36 62.

 

Play on, Playa.